Saturday, February 4, 2012

Shhh I have a day off

Today was the first day in 2012 where I didn't wake up and immediately need to start moving towards somewhere else. I have Lowes/Depot plans at 4pm and will see my guy later but for now its just me in a fuzzy pink sweater chilling by the computer. I'd planned to work on a layout this weekend but the client is behind and I am happy to wait.

I was reading about scarcity and abundance the other day and it finally sunk in that I work from a place of scarcity. Because I am a freelancer and haven't had steady employment in years I accept any and all jobs that come my way.

The problem is that I work from a place of abundance. I have been freelancing in an office for months and have certain monthly work commitments. My time is already highly budgetted so when I start taking on extra side gigs stress happens.

Even when I do manage to parcel out hours for shopping, goofing on the computer or messing around in the kitchen I feel a mental clock counting down how much time I have before I am too tired to stay awake or need to resume a job obligation.

Switching my mental state from scarcity to abundance is proving difficult. I went over finances a few weeks ago and am very ahead. For the first time in ages the majority of my money is going right into savings (well first the 2012 Roth) instead of towards bills and rent.

Part of the problem is how much I enjoy everything that I do. I love seeing things become organized and attractive. I like pixellating for a living. I don't want to stop doing it, I just want to figure out how to balance it. I've become one of those people who buys beautiful, fun things but doesn't have the time to enjoy them. I take pleasure in my work instead and while my bank account likes feeling like a turkey in October my mind can't take it.

Plus I really like waking up lazily.